I see something happening more and more in youth and high school sports, and social media has made it worse.

Parents need to let their kids be kids.

Celebrate them. Support them. Push them when they need it. Be proud when they accomplish something.

But please stop living through them.

And most importantly, stop putting expectations on children that make anything short of becoming a star feel like failure.

I see kids who haven’t even finished high school being promoted like they’ve already made it.

Commitment graphics. Rankings. Offers. Highlight videos. Followers. Parents posting every statistic and every accomplishment. People in the comments talking about the NFL or NBA before the kid has even played one college game.

Slow down.

Your child hasn’t failed if he doesn’t become a professional athlete. Your child hasn’t failed if he doesn’t become an All-American. Your child hasn’t even failed if his college career doesn’t turn out the way everybody expected.

If that young man or woman earned a college scholarship through sports, they already accomplished something most kids who play that sport will never accomplish. That should never be treated like a consolation prize.

 

I Know What It’s Like to Be That Kid

I’m not saying this as somebody looking from the outside.

I was that kid.

I was highly recruited. I was one of the best high school basketball players in Pennsylvania. My name was in the newspaper constantly. College coaches came to see me. People had expectations for what I was supposed to become.

I went Division I. I played at West Virginia. I scored more than 1,000 points in two seasons there. I played professionally.

And I’m telling parents: Be careful what you put on your child’s shoulders.

Because eventually that child becomes an adult, and he has to figure out who he is when the cheering stops.

 

Going Division I Is Not “Making It”

This is where social media has completely distorted reality.

A kid commits to a Division I school and everybody starts saying: “He made it.”

No.

He earned an incredible opportunity. There’s a difference.

Getting a Division I scholarship is a tremendous accomplishment. Celebrate the hell out of it.

But college athletics is another level.

Everybody was good in high school. Everybody has highlights. Everybody has a story about scoring 30 points, rushing for 2,000 yards or dominating somebody.

Now you’re competing against other kids who were also all-state.

Some were nationally ranked. Some are older. Some are stronger. Some fit the coach’s system better. Some will develop faster. Some will get hurt. Some will transfer. Some will sit behind somebody for three years. And some kids who were absolute legends in high school will barely play in college.

That doesn’t erase what they accomplished.

 

Most College Athletes Aren’t Going Pro

That’s the reality nobody wants to post.

Everybody loves posting the offer.

Nobody posts: “My son went Division I, worked his butt off for four years, earned his degree and never became a star.”

But why wouldn’t we celebrate that? That’s a success story.

We’ve created this strange environment where earning a scholarship isn’t enough anymore.

Now the kid has to start.

Then he has to be all-conference. Then he has to get NFL or NBA attention. Then he has to get drafted. Then he has to have a long professional career.

At what point are we going to let these kids enjoy what they’ve actually accomplished instead of constantly moving the finish line?

 

Stop Announcing a Child’s Future Before He Lives It

This is probably the part that bothers me the most.

Don’t tell everybody what your child is going to be. Let him become it.

There’s nothing wrong with believing in your kid. There’s nothing wrong with saying he’s talented.

But when parents constantly tell the world: “Remember the name.” “Future NFL.” “Future NBA.” “Next big thing.” “Y’all sleeping on my baby.”

You might think you’re building confidence. Sometimes you’re building pressure.

Because now that kid isn’t simply playing football or basketball anymore.

He’s trying to live up to a character everybody created for him when he was 15 years old.

What happens if it doesn’t happen? What happens when he’s 20, sitting on a college bench and scrolling through old posts where adults were predicting he’d be a millionaire by now?

That’s a lot for a young person to process.

 

Social Media Has Given Kids a False Sense of Where They Stand

When I was coming up, you couldn’t manufacture hype as easily.

You had to play. People had to come watch you. The newspaper had to write about you. College coaches had to actually recruit you.

Today, anybody can create a highlight tape.

Anybody can make a graphic. Anybody can post rankings. Anybody can build a following. And if you post enough clips of a kid doing great things, you can create an online version of that athlete that doesn’t necessarily match reality.

A two-minute highlight video doesn’t show the other 30 minutes.

It doesn’t show bad possessions. It doesn’t show missed assignments. It doesn’t show what happens when the kid faces somebody just as talented. It definitely doesn’t show what happens when that kid arrives on a college campus and suddenly isn’t the best athlete in the gym anymore.

Likes aren’t scholarship offers. Followers aren’t playing time. Views aren’t a depth chart.

And hype isn’t development.

 

Parents Can Make It Worse Without Realizing It

I’ve been around sports my entire life.

One of the quickest ways to hurt a young athlete is to convince him that every coach who challenges him is wrong.

“My son should be starting.” “My daughter should be getting more shots.” “The coach doesn’t know what he’s doing.” “They’re playing politics.” “They’re sleeping on my kid.”

Sometimes? Maybe you’re right.

But sometimes your kid needs to get better.

That’s sports.

If every setback becomes somebody else’s fault, what happens when that kid gets to college and the coach doesn’t care what Dad posted on Facebook?

College coaches aren’t impressed by what happened in ninth grade.

They’re trying to win games.

 

Your Child Is More Than His Ranking

This needs to be said more.

A ranking isn’t an identity. A scholarship isn’t an identity. A jersey isn’t an identity.

Your child should know that you love him exactly the same whether he scores 30 or doesn’t get off the bench.

That’s where parents can make the biggest difference.

Sports should help build young people. Discipline. Accountability. Confidence. Teamwork. Handling adversity. Learning how to lose. Learning how to get back up.

Those lessons can last 60 years.

A recruiting ranking might matter for six months.

 

Some High School Legends Don’t Become College Legends — And That’s Okay

I’ve written about plenty of athletes on DrewSchifino.com who were unbelievable high school players.

Some became stars in college. Some didn’t.

Some went professional. Most didn’t.

You know what that changes about how great they were in high school?

Nothing.

If you were that dude at Penn Hills, Aliquippa, Westinghouse, Schenley, Woodland Hills, McKeesport, New Castle or wherever you played, nobody can take those Friday nights or packed gyms away from you.

College not working out exactly how everybody imagined doesn’t erase high school greatness. And not becoming a professional athlete doesn’t mean somebody wasted his talent or failed at life.

Sometimes the next level simply shows you how incredibly difficult the next level is.

 

A Scholarship Is Something to Be Proud Of

I want young athletes to dream big.

I want them saying NFL. NBA. WNBA. Major League Baseball.

Whatever their dream is, chase it. Work like crazy. Believe you’re going to make it.

But adults are supposed to provide perspective.

If your child earns a scholarship, celebrate that accomplishment. If he becomes a college star, celebrate that too. If he becomes a professional athlete, incredible.

But if he graduates with a degree, builds a career, becomes a good father, husband, mother, wife, coach, business owner, teacher or productive member of society?

You didn’t raise a failed athlete. You raised a successful adult.

Isn’t that supposed to be the real goal?

 

Let Them Write Their Own Story

Parents, take the pressure off sometimes.

Sit in the stands. Cheer. Enjoy watching your child while you still can.

Because one day that uniform is coming off for the last time. For almost everybody.

Don’t spend those years obsessing over rankings, offers, statistics, playing time and what everybody on social media thinks. Don’t make your child’s athletic career your résumé.

And don’t create expectations so enormous that a young person can accomplish something as difficult as earning a college scholarship and somehow walk away believing he disappointed everybody.

That’s backwards.

Let them dream. Let them work. Let them fail. Let them improve. Let them surprise you.

Most importantly: Let them be kids.

There’s enough pressure waiting for them when they become adults.